HALF
MAN HALF BISCUIT
Every Time a Bell Rings
Ground Control to Monty Don The testimonial silver’s gone The circumstance here’s pretty thin The sun comes out when I go in
On the way home from spinning class she pops into the deli for artisan gossip.
He stays in the car leafing through a high-end coffee bean catalogue.
Their dream is to open up a roastery in the Keswick area…
Get your hedge cut Get your fuckin’ hedge cut Get your hedge cut Get your fuckin’ hedge cut Stop meeting friends And cut your hedge
Why can’t you say “orangutan”? Why can’t you just say “Ku Klux Klan”? Who needs the library or the pub When we’ve got your creative hub?
He got a Boardman bike on the Cycle To Work scheme,
discovered he really enjoyed it.
Started watching the Tour de France highlights on ITV4,
worshipped at the altar of Wiggo and Froome-dog.
Goes out every Sunday in full Sky replica kit…
Get your hedge cut Get your fuckin’ hedge cut Get your hedge cut Get you fuckin’ hedge cut Stop analysing Strava And cut your hedge
It’s A Wonderful Life.
It’s a wonderful film,
but the more I watch it the more I want Potter to succeed.
Not least when that lot up the road come out into the street every New Year’s Eve,
drunk on Ptolemy’s hock, hugging each other and going “Hee-haw, hee-haw”…
Every time a bell rings I hate you some more Every time a bell rings I hate you some more Every time a bell rings I hate you some more Every time a bell rings
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